Being realistic

Soulmates Never Part has caught the interest of some of my potential readers and they say that the title actually has had them intrigued. The word Soulmates strikes a chord with them and the Never Part is hope-giving, they have opined. I do get some queries about ‘Soulmates’ and what the term actually stands for.

I have some of them having questions that are pretty interesting. For some it is at a very personal level, situations and emotions that they have or are experiencing, and what’s more, is that it is very important to them. For others, it is some sort of an inquisitiveness that they find compelling. There are a few others who wonder if soulmates really happen to be and they would want to know. While discussing on a personal front, they share their thoughts and look for answers. What comes out is invariably a thought provoking and stimulating deliberation.

Human nature is very complex. What makes us immensely happy today may not make us as happy the very next day.  It is not that we have changed drastically during that period of time. It is mainly the circumstances and our needs have become different from what it was the previous day. For example, let us say we like to listen to a particular song today. Tomorrow we may just want to listen to some other song. Today we have no idea what song we are going to be crazy about tomorrow. It is not about good or bad, or positive or negative. It is just the way it is. The question here through this very small and simple example is that, if we don’t even know our own selves very well, then how do we think we can know another human being so well?

This lack of knowledge often causes us to take people for granted. This in return increases our expectations from their behavior which many a time fall flat and have us wondering what went wrong? Why don’t we give other people the required space and not go in for preconceived notions about the way they will carry themselves in particular circumstances? If we could do this, then we would perhaps be more liberal towards others and kinder to ourselves.

Soulmates is a very deep kind of relationship, and understanding one another is of paramount importance. Love comes from the heart and is entwined with emotions. Trust and faith are necessary and it comes from love and hope that is very positive.

So far so, good. You are in love and would want it to be that way forever. But does that really happen? No, because there are situations that invariably come up and circumstances change so that challenges may crop up, and here a certain amount of understanding of each other is essential for life of go on smoothly. Wisdom or intelligence, call it what you may but combine it with patience and give the challenge a go!

The challenges faced could be internal between the two people, or it could be external, coming from some outside source or person. It could be due to health reasons or it could be a totally imaginary issue. Still, what is important is the way to understand it and then, of course, to deal with it.

My standard counsel to most of the people who have a too naive or impractically great expectations from their soulmates or husbands or partners has been that they should tone down their expectations to being perfectly realistic and be more liberal with their understanding of the said person and also of the situation or challenge in hand that is causing the problem. ‘They haven’t done this, and they haven’t done that!’ Why complain and be negative? Why not look at the things they have done and appreciate them? ‘And then it is they said this and they said that!’ Why not do and say things that bring out the best in the person you love? After all, can’t live peacefully without them and any such tension causes you immense misery! Of course, it is easy to say and put it in black and white but life isn’t that simple, is it? Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches!

In Soulmates Never Part, in one of the chapters, Sheila, who is based in Kolkata, has her own notions and preconceived ideas about her long distance friend, Abel, who is based in Scotland, who she is about to meet for the first time. He meets up to her expectations and even more, which makes her deliriously happy, satisfied and sated. And then, something happens that comes as a rude, evil shock to her and she is too stunned to move for a while. When she gets back her senses to a working condition, what does she do? And what are the consequences of the action she takes?

There are many ways to react to a challenging situation. Different people would react differently to a similar situation. However, most situations between two people can be solved with a positive persistence, patience and understanding. Panic and intolerance is most often the beginning of the deterioration of any relationship. And, of course, being realistic about expectations is sagacious. 


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